right in front of me, at the t-junction along clementi road n ulu pandan. that loud bang is still fresh in my mind. his groan, blood-shot eyes, bruises all over his limbs, ribcage protruding, a drop of tear on the cheek, pool of blood besides his face n groaning.
"PLS PLS, DON"T SLEEP! TELL ME YOUR NAME, HELLO HELLO CAN YOU HEAR ME!" i jus kept repeating tt to him. i panicked, i became a madman. i felt so useless, i couldn't do anything much other than keeping him awake, forcing him to open up his eyes everytime he closes it. i managed to get him into conversation, thank god, he is aware of my speech/questions. he could slurred his name, told me he's working, tt he will wait fer me while i get help.
fuck. what kinda of place is tt? Police KINS w/o a medic?! no one qualified fer this emergency? lost hope.
ambulance's here! GR8! medics attending to him, but i didn't stay on. i left. cos i know he'll live. no, how would i know. i'm not u. jus who r u seriously. y do u get me involved in this accident?
it jus happened.. i saw it the whole thing. a black bike cornering at quite a speed. bang. a loud crash. he flew. the car jammed to a brake. i asked, what's tt? u said, an accident. i said, what should i do? u said, u can jus carry on and leave... fuck, no! i'm not leaving. i'm gg to check out the situation n give whatever i have. i learnt cpr, but i knew i have to leave him untouch cos we all do not know how bad is his injuries. all we could do is to get his attention, call for ambulance, police and i will remember the samaritans; somehow we all the strangers work as a team. i attend to him, 1 uncle directing the traffic, the driver called the ambulance, another called the police. ya, funny but i was somehow aware of everything.
i left. i cried. i broke down. lots of tots jus keep flashing thru my mind. my mum, my dad, my frens, hirmie... why? where r u? y r u doing this to me? i look upon u, worship u. i tot i am. i think i am. a religious man. no, i'm not. i guess i'm not. what have i done wrong? or is it what i haven't done of?? i believe in u. i'm lost. i've lost my faith once more. i don't know who u r now. i don't understand the works of u anymore.
u were my guidance. u gave me reasons to live. now what am i gg to do? i'm a human being, of feelings. can't u see how this has disrupt my studies? haven't i been putting in efforts for this exams? am i not shagged? who r u? what am i gg to do now? so u expect me to carry on n revise? i can't! i jus cannot do it. but i cannot can't do it BECAUSE I HAVE A PAPER TML!!! i'm lost. really lost. i need a drink.. i need to numb myself. i need some love, i need a hug right now. i tried. but the text n figures jus looked so alien to me now. gordon growth model, dividend policy, financial ratios, capm n mm's theory. ya i know. but this r jus what i know!!! the chapters' heading.
i give up. no i can't. i'm crazy right now.. say it, stress. weak. lousy. whatever shit tt u can call me now. i'm all tt. i'm human. i tried my best. i saved a life today. i'm gg to failed my FM tml. ok. if it's suppose to be this way, then wo zi hao ren ming. it's worth it. at least i made a right decision jus now. i acted.
assalaamualaikum, but where r u, my fren...
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2 comments:
come to think of it, life is so short, so fragile, it was just like yesterday, and before you know it, we lost our brother hermie. something for you to think about - have you ever wondered how would you want people to remember you when you are gone?
thx bro, for remembering our dear fren. when we were born, ppl smile n laugh. i jus wish the same to me when i'm gone.
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